Something surprising has come of my new 'living in the now' plan.
The desire to live more simply.
And live in harmony with nature, ie green living.
That may sound strange, but the more I try to slow down my hectic life (and hectic mental state) the more drawn I am to living more simply.
Things like cooking and baking from scratch, spending more time outdoors in nature trying to live in harmony with the seasons, creating a warm and loving home for my family, and even the desire to grow my own vegetables (not sure if this one will ever happen as I have a black thumb not a green one!).
I've taken stock of how we live. And to a degree we do live green and simply.
I don't use harsh cleaning chemicals. Water, soap, vinegar and bleach make up my cleaning products. I make all our meals from scratch, and ensure that they are as healthy as my family will allow. We recycle and reuse many many items. The usual conscientious type things I imagine most families try to do.
But there are so many ways I can improve.
Shorter showers (this would be hard as a long hot shower is one of my luxuries). Save the warm up water from the shower in buckets for the garden or pool. Use less electricity. Don't use commercial baby wipes for Charlie. Buy local organic food.
The list goes on and on.
And can be quite overwhelming.
My usual way to tackle this sort of idea would be to research madly on the internet, make endless lists of things I want to do, and how to do it, then try to introduce it all at once.
Instead this time I will just let the idea sit in my brain till it takes seed all on it's own, and quietly look for ways to gently introduce simple living into our lives when the time comes.
I think I'm learning to overcome my perfectionist tendencies, something I've always wanted to be able to do. To be able to let go, and let things just happen. No need to control and plan things in order for them to be 'perfect' and to ensure nothing goes wrong.
I want to get past all these issues and find the real me inside. Not always striving to be the 'perfect' me I push myself to be.
Gosh I'm getting all deep and meaningful here. This is a self analysis break through.
It seems blogging is like therapy, just cheaper.
I just hope some of my readers out there (if I have any that is!) have a degree in counselling and can offer some sage advice.
At no cost of course please.
After reading what I've written today I think this blog may start to take on a slight variation from what I originally intended. I started this blog just to record all the cute and gorgeous every day moments that make our family laugh, that may otherwise be forgotten in the years to come.
But I think this blog has taken on a life of it's own and is morphing into something more.
It might also become a record of me in a way, the real me as I live my life, through the ups and downs, how I grow and develop. Through my crazy moments and the sane. How I follow my path in life, not even really knowing the destination.
I think in 10 or 20 years I would like to look back at who I really was, to see more than just photos of my boys and amusing anecdotes.
And you never know, when I'm old and grey, my grown up boys might want to find out what their mum was like when she was young and sprightly. I know I would love to read about my mum's life from when I was little.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, there's probably more of 'me' to come.