Well actually, I don't think it is.
Life is still as busy and full as ever. But it's me that's slowing down.
In a good way.
Not in an old person needing a walker sort of way.
I'm referring back to this recent post regarding 'living in the now'. As in, stopping my mind frantically jumping ahead to the hours and days to come, planning out what I have to do, when I have to do it, and how I'm going to do it.
Way too much mental energy was being wasted on this. So I resolved to try to 'live in the now'.
And blow me away - it actually works!
It's not yet easy to do, and I keep catching myself mentally cataloguing things to come (and once I even made a schedule for my whole entire day - but ssssh - don't tell anyone) but genereally, so far so good.
No more long lists of tasks and jobs to do. No more finding things to distract the boys so I can get on with my list of chores or work. I work when I can, relax when I can, and try to be more available for my boys.
I smile when they come to talk to me, stop what I'm doing and give them my full attention. Even if the topic is not particularly interesting to me.
Such as the minute differences between the two luxury sports cars that Kaiden is currently obsessing over.
Or the intricacies of the game Corey has been playing on my laptop.
I smile, and nod and try not to hurry their conversation so I can get back to things. I want to be there and be interested in their lives. I feel the moments I have with Kaiden still living here at home slipping through my fingers more and more each day.
I love my boys and want to provided them with loving warm memories of their childhood.
I'm feeling calmer, more centred and a lot less stressed.
AND (this is a biggie)...... even though I've stopped planning everything out in minute detail - THE WORLD IS STILL TURNING.
It's funny actually, whilst I was vacuuming earlier, words were swirling around in my brain about what I wanted to write in this post. But it's turned out nothing like what I had planned.
I can't even remember what I had planned to say.
I just know it wasn't this.
But that's ok.
I'm going with the flow.