This weekend has been quite a nice weekend considering the cloud hanging over us at the moment.
It was a quiet weekend spent at home, pottering around, relaxing and doing the things I love to do best.
But every now and then in quiet moments, sadder thoughts intruded.
Nanny is gone. I won't have the chance to talk to her again. The chance to hear her pithy take on the world, to hear stories of when she was young, her time in the Army during the war and most of all to laugh with her again.
The sense of loss when I let myself think on this is difficult to deal with. So I try not to think of it too much.
Just try to get on with life, accepting the void that is left behind. And adjusting my life around it.
And I can only imagine how my Grandy is feeling right now. My heart goes out to him. Having to cope with losing your wife of 65 years is incomprehensible to me.
I'll be seeing Grandy tomorrow, going with him to his and Nanny's house for the first time since she passed. He's been staying with my Aunty for now. An outfit to dress Nanny in for the funeral needs to be chosen. I imagine tomorrow will be quite difficult for him.
The funeral is on Thursday and I've been asked to speak during the service. I really hope I don't cry, I want to be able to get out what I need to say without any stupid tears from me upsetting anyone.
I gave Kaiden & Corey the choice of coming to the funeral and they've both asked to come. It will be the first funeral they've attended so I hope they cope alright with the emotion that such a time provokes.
I apologise for the gloomy post. Hopefully life will regain a sense of normality for me again soon.
A new normality. Adjusted to cope with the void that the death of a loved one leaves.