The Trouble With Teenagers.

The trouble with teenagers is that deep within them lies a really awesome human being. Bet you didn't expect that, did you?

But it's just such damn hard work getting past all the moodiness, gruffness, the messy rooms, the smelly shoes and the daily contradictions in order to see it.

And that's just the boys. Girls, I've been told, have a whole different set of challenges that I will never get to experience, being as I'm surrounded by my honour guard of males.

So who's fault is it that teenagers are so difficult to live with?

For a while there I resided on the 'it's the teenagers fault' side of the fence on this issue. I mean, how dare they not show me respect and make up their own minds about things? Why should they be the ones making decisions about what's right for them when it come to life choices and bodily hygiene?

All these years I've looked after them and kept them safe and done a perfectly good job of it. I've got them to this point, what gives them the right to relegate me to the 'She's just Mum, what does she know' group that I relegated my mother to all those years ago. This time it's different, right?

Well, after a few years in this mindset, I finally realised that perhaps, just maybe, I was a little off track.

Conflict abounded in our house, tug of wars over privileges and choices, room tidying expectations and the minimum number of permissible showers per week (7, if you're wondering).

After a while though, I got sick and tired of it all. Day after day was the same routine. Off to work (me) or school (teenagers), come home, straight into housework and dinner prep (me) or homework (them), dinner then zone out in from of the tv (me) or xbox (them). Interspersed within these activities was the conflict (initiated by them I thought) and moodiness (from both sides if I'm honest). Repeat. Ad infinitum.

None of us were happy. None of us really wanted it to be like this. Not that teenagers will tell you this, they may shrug non committedly though if you ask.

Then had a lightbulb moment!

I no longer had a connection with them.

As they grew they had started to move away from me, which is a normal and healthy step on the way to independant adulthood, but what was shocking to me, was the realisation that I had started to move away from them.

You see, when kids are little and cuddly, and think you're the best mummy in the whole wide world, it's easy to be close to them. They need you, and truth be told I needed them, to fill my heart with love and fill my days with smiles. But as they grew it was a little more difficult to pick them up for a cuddle (ever tried to pick up an unwilling 6'2" teenager for a cuddle and a tickle? It's best not to try).

I had bit by bit stopped trying to connect with them, as they pulled away, thinking that's what they wanted. But underneath it all, despite exterior gruffness, they really still need their mum. Just in a slightly different way.

Suddenly, from a mothering point of view, things had changed. And I wasn't ready for it. There's the saying about kids not coming with an instruction manual, but at least when small, children are a little more forgiving if you make a rookie parenting mistake. Teenagers, not so much.

They give you the sigh and an eye roll, and then proceed to moan about you to their friends. Suddenly you've been demoted from best mummy in the whole wide world to little better than the annoying woman who puts food on their plate and clean clothes neatly on their bed. You've now become the worst parent ever because the parents of all their friends always let them do this or that. I'm sure you know the drill.

Teenagers unconsciously challenge you, searching for a weakness. It's their forte at this age, apart from sleeping. And eating. Oh, and leaving previous neat and clean clothes in dirty piles all over the floor. Apart from those things, finding weakness in their parents is their forte.

And then I fell into their trap.

The trap they set is they bring out the teenager in us parents. That self centred, stubborn and argumentative teenager we thought we'd gotten past being about twenty or years ago.

Imagine this. Teenager wants to stay out all night. You say no. Teenager argues the point. You calmly give your reasons for saying no. Teenager ignores every single point you've calmly made and reiterates their reasons for staying out. You not so calmly reiterate your reasons for them not to stay out all night. Teenager stubbornly repeats the exact same points they previously made. You restate yours. Frustration makes you a little more forceful this time. Teenager yells "You just don't understand" and stomps off to their room, full of eyerolls and muttering. You stomp off to the kitchen muttering about how you wish they'd start listening to you. Stalemate. They've reduced us to their level. Damn, I hate it when they do that.

Being a good and loving parent however, an hour or so later you go back with the intent to talk calmly and bring your teenager around to your way of thinking. Within five minutes it's back to frustration, eye rolls and mutterings again. Neither side listening to the other, or if they do, only superficially.

It's like arguing with a toddler. You can't win.

And I've found that's the best way to view teenagers. As toddlers. Just slightly larger, but often just as temperamental. They need love and cuddles too, even if they do try to push you away.

If you think about it, toddlers are standing (or wobbling) on the threshold of moving from babyhood to childhood, breaking new boundaries such walking, talking and tantrum throwing.

Teenagers are also on a threshold, this time of adulthood. Only they are breaking boundaries of every sort, rules, courtesy, family congeniality, you name it. And they've already perfected the tantrum throwing, now they just up the ante.

This may seem all rather dire that's it a wonder anyone comes through raising teenagers a sane person. But I've discovered there is a magic to this parenting teenagers gig, a secret I never got told about.

Something, that although not making us a perfect family, has certainly made us a closer family. With a lot less eye rolling.

And no, it's not shutting your eyes and downing multiple glasses of alcohol. Though that is optional.

The solution that has worked for me is.......

.........hmmm, this post is more than long enough already. Stressed out parents of the internet, you'll have to wait for this to continue at a later date.

In the meantime, fix yourself a stiff drink and keep your eyes shut.

A 'Write Off' Kind Of Day

The house is dark in the middle of the day, lit only by the flashes of lightning from outside.I love it!

Autumn weather has arrived in force today. Perhaps my front lawn might actually turn green with all this rain!

I really enjoy thunderstorms, but the furry members of our family not so much! The dog has just slunk into the room with me, unsure about those loud booms and rolls outside. And our cat was found hiding in the pantry just now, his place escape in the most dire situation. Which clearly this is to him.

The less furry members of the family are relishing the freshness of the storm, the cool breeze through the window, the cosy, snug feeling that the dark grey sky gives.

But I must give some consideration to my husband who is out working in this weather, so I'm sure he's not enjoying it much as me. Any moment I expect to hear the garage door go up and to find my soaked husband home, in dire need of a hot cup of tea.

And unfortunately, Charlie is still not well. Sniffles are abating but being replaced with a chesty cough. The recovery process is not helped by a sleepless night. 4.30am is a ridiculous time to wake up for the day, if you ask my opinion. Which I would happily give once I've finished my fourth cup of coffee (and it's only midday!) and if I'm still awake.

Why is it that these sleepless nights occur just when I really need to be awake and alert to deal with things? Not that there is ever a good time for such an early wake up, but still. I have so much to do and deal with at the moment. Why today?

And by mid afternoon, when I start to wilt from tiredness, I will vow to myself to have an early night and catch up on the sleep I so desperately need. Only to get to 8pm and get a second wind (all those cups of coffee finally kicking in perhaps?) and not be able to sleep till midnight - again.

Am I the only one who is like this? Please tell me that this is normal for busy mamas.

So today, I've decided is a write off day. A day where I will accomplish what I can and not feel too bad about what I didn't get done. Dishes piling up in the sink, floor unvacuumed, minimum amount of work done that I can get away with though I will have to play catchup over the weekend, and I'm ok with that - sort of. Overcoming my perfectionist nature isn't easy, you know.

Today therefore will consist of lots of sitting on the couch watching the rain and cuddles with my sick boy.

I guess life isn't so bad after all.

My Eccentricity - again!

It's been a while hasn't it? Shall I hand in my absentee note now?

This is me, by the way (just in case you'd forgotten what I look like. And yes, I cut most of my hair off, and have gone even shorter since this photo was taken. Just for kicks.) :

Ignore the blurry bit in the upper right corner. My 15 yr old needs to work on Photography 101 - keep your finger out of frame!

What prompted such an extended break from the blogging world, I hear you ask.

Well, that's easy to answer. Life has been happening. Glorious, busy, joyful, stressful, fun, hard, living in the moment life.

Family time together.

For a long time I have been chasing the 'ideal' life that I see in my mind's eye. A loving, peaceful mama with well behaved, happy children, a husband home from work with a smile and offer to help out with dinner or play with the children. The mama cheerfully working in the home, house gleaming and tidy giving the feeling of a job well done, whilst simultaneously juggling working 30 hours a week with ease and a high level of proficiency. Healthy, home cooked, home grown organic meal, infused with the love of the chef and she hums as she bakes and cooks. Family time in the evening, reading nourishing books, listening to uplifting music, walks in nature and excursions to fun and wonderful places together.



Sounds lovely to me. My ideal, happy, eccentrically unique life that I can envision in my mind.

The reality? Well, not quite meeting those ambitious expectations. Not even close.

The Mama : loving and peaceful - yes. But also tired, grouchy and if truth be told, a little selfish with precious time to herself.

The Children : well behaved and happy - yes, some of the time. And some of the time more like loud, arguing and demanding, both of each other and the poor stressed mama.

Charlie the Earth Guardian

 The Husband : home with a smile and offer to help out - yes. But some days, he is also tired, stressed and acts human and not the demi god I view him as.

The House : oh the house! Yes, parts are gleaming and tidy, but not the neglected glass shower screens that can barely be seen through (great for privacy!) and those floor that only get spot cleaned when necessary. A quick run around cleaning on a Saturday or before guests has been the extent of things.

The Work : yes 30 hours a week is done, but in fits and starts and often late at night to make up time. Sit down to work at the computer and beeeeep, the washing machine has finished, sit down again and "Mummy I'm hungry", sit down again and realise that another coffee is necessary in order to concentrate fully.

Surely I must be doing something right to get a card like this.

The Meals : healthy, home cooked organic food - yes, most of the time, but there are nights of eggs on toast, or take out from the fish and chip shop up the road too. Organic produce has lessened as time and funds to obtain it have decreased (boy, is eating organic expensive!). Weekend lunches around here, have become a "help yourself as Mama's too tired to bother" type of situation. Thankfully, my teenagers know how to prepare a gourmet bowl of cereal in my culinary absence. At least it's healthy.

Family time :  reading nourishing books, music, walks and excursions  - yes these wonderful cherished moments do happen. But they take forthought, and some planning, and you know what, sometimes I'm just too tired to be the happy inspiring one, dragging reluctant teenagers to play a board game with me and their 4 year old brother. There are also many times where I find each of us in this five person household in a different room, each occupied by electronic devices. Nothing like family interaction via Facebook chats when you're only a room apart!

Brotherly love!

So after this rather long winded overview of the reality of life, I can see that life has good moments, and also has not so good moments. I have to face the reality that the ideal life I picture in my mind's eye is just a figment of my vivid and rather ambitious imagination. It's never going to be like that all the time and I need to ease up on my perfectionist nature that feels like I've failed if I don't get a gold medallion for Best Mother, Wife, HomeMaker etc etc ......

I had stopped blogging what seems like eons ago now, as I felt that I didn't have the time for achieving the perfect life as well as time for this blog. That this was one thing, just one little thing that I could let go and suddenly all would be fall into place and I would have that ideal life. Also if I couldn't produce an interesting and witty enough post on a regular basis, why bother at all? Reasons that felt valid at the time.

Ahhh, the folly of youth! (What? I WAS more youthful then, even if it was only a short time ago. We age every second, you know.)

Kaiden just before his High School Graduation

So the reason for finally getting back to this blog?

I enjoy writing it. I like getting my thoughts out. I like using my creativity and not just to come up with 'creative' solutions to sibling arguments, or the best way to creatively make a play dough fire truck. I think documenting family life is a wonderful exercise both at the time of writing, as it gives one a more third person perspective, and also to be able to look back at the stories and photos that make up our family history.

Corey - 15 and as funny as ever!

Incorporating blogging back into my life is a positive thing. Into a life imperfect when compared to the unrealistic ideal in my head, a life full of unique happenings, twists and turns, ups and downs. An life full of eccentricity.

Update as promised...... told in lazy-ass bullet point style.

• It's been the season of illness and injury. I'm very much over playing both nurse and patient.
  
• Currently, Charlie has an ear infection, so we got antibiotics. No biggie, except it turns out he is allergic to penicillin. At the moment we could easily play dot to dot on him, but the rash is so big we'd get bored before finishing.
• Recently found out that Corey needs shoulder surgery. At 13 years old. Seems he's one of the rare few lucky enough *sarcasm* that his shoulder dislocates in one of three possible ways (back, forwards and down) whenever he lifts his arm. If anyone waves at him and he doesn't wave back, he's not ignoring you. He's just trying to prevent his arm falling off.
• Kaiden turned 16 yesterday. OMG 16! Mentally, I still feel the same as I did at 16. Physically though I feel older. A lot older. Scary that your child is the same age you were when you considered yourself a grown up.
• Now he's 16 I get to teach him to drive. I'm both excited and terrified at the thought.
  
• Kaiden chose to have KFC as his birthday dinner. I chose not to partake of it.
  
• Kaiden had a caramel mud cake for his birthday cake. I did partake of it.
• Charlie hasn't slept through the night for about 2 weeks due to being ill.
• I'm tired.
• Very tired.
• I've neglected my home shamefully (please don't tell anyone). And no-one open any closets or closed doors, you never know what I may have stashed there.
• My dad had an accident moving house, crushing his hand. He ended up having his little finger amputated, and the next one screwed back together in the hope of saving it. He's doing fine, and is most upset that he may no longer being able to hold onto the paddle strongly enough to continue using his stand up paddle surfboard. Priorities, you know.
• Have been struggling to balance work commitments, keeping up with the housework, spending time with the family, study that never happens, getting enough sleep etc etc. Is achieving all this even possible for a mortal woman such as myself?
  
• The sleep part never seems to happen enough.
  
• I haven't baked in a LONG time. So much so that when I did go to bake everything was past it's use by date. Even the flour. Bad stepford wife.
• I've thought of a bajillion blog posts to write in recent months. Usually while washing dishes, driving or showering. I think to myself, that's fantastic, best post idea ever, well done self! Then promptly forget it two seconds later.
• Charlie and I have been enjoying the warmer weather as we head into Spring, and have been having a picnic lunch in the back yard most days. Just a short time out from the busy-ness of life, soaking up the sun, listening to the birds, hearing the breeze blowing in the trees. Aaaaahhh.....
• Currently, watching big grey clouds rolling in, ready for a thunderstorm to happen on the first day of Spring.
  
• Just remembered I have washing on the line...........................
  

How do you spend a sick day?

Today our home is over run with illness. The horrible runny nose, annoying sore throat and irritating cough type of illness. People seem to be dropping like flies.

Thankfully, I'm still healthy. Someone needs to be well enough to dish out sympathy and tissues.

So what did I do to entertain a disgustingly snotty almost three year old stuck indoors due to bad weather and illness?


Played cars (of course!).



Picked the meagre winter vegetables from our garden in between rain showers.



Practised our letters.



Ate lots of yummy healthy fruit.



Did some cooking.



And used lots of these.

Got to Love a Husband that Cooks

Things around this lovely home of mine are busy, busy, busy (nothing new there!).

So busy I didn't get to post the fantastic Fashionable & Fabulous Friday post I had ready for Friday. Or get to on Saturday like I'd planned.

Or Sunday.

And now today being Monday and all, I'm so over it, that I'll just save it for this coming Friday! Bonus post prepared in advance. Yay!

I meant to do that!

So things are busy as I try to catch up on a mountain of work that's been looming over me *sigh* but I have resolved to try to change things around a bit, you know the old saying "Work smarter, not harder"? Well, I plan to try to make that happen. Umm, yeah, sounds too easy, right?

I'll let you know how it goes.

Due to my over busy-ness my wonderful husband made dinner last night, and displayed his culinary skills to beautiful effect.


Mmmm.... chilli con carne.


With homemade garlic bread.


A little portion for Charlie.

And to make this even better, there was enough left that I'm reheating it for dinner tonight with rice and crusty bread.

I get out of cooking two nights in a row, and still get a home made meal.

Got to love a husband that cooks. Thanks honey!

Making It Through The Day One Teeth Gritting Episode At A Time

Lately I've found it difficult to get back into the swing of blogging regularly.

One or two of you may have noticed. No? Oh, you're too kind!

My last post mentioned I hardly know what day or week it is at any given time. Christmas could be tomorrow for all I know these days.

Or Easter.

My days went from long tedious stretches of days at home, too tired and ill to do anything, to BAM, you're well again let's fill every available minute with something to do! Swimming, music, martial arts, story time at the library, working 30 hrs a week from home, housework, cooking..... every damn second of every damn day.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and all the way through to Sunday.

Then repeat. And repeat. And repeat.......

Most of these activities are either for this particular person, or are done with him in tow :



His social schedule is busier than mine (an easy thing to happen given my social schedule is pretty much totally empty these days). But the alternative is being stuck at home everyday, where he gets bored and mama goes a little bonkers.

You know, I think I need a holiday. Somewhere warm and tropical sounds good right now. Possibly without children, or at least where I can escape for long periods on my own.

Or if I must have someone with me, let it be a highly skilled massuese.

Look at this innocent face. How could anyone need a break from such an angel, I hear you wonder?



Well, let me tell you that this little 'angel' woke 4 times during the night, and then for some reason known only to him, decided that 5.30am was a great time to start the day.

I didn't agree with him on that point.

Then because he didn't sleep well and then got up at stupid 'o' clock, he's been grumpy as all hell this morning, and I don't have much patience for some strange reason.

But in between all these things, he does something so silly and cute that I can't help but smile and cuddle and love him.



And then I grit my teeth once again, and get back to the latest task at hand. Which right now is catching up with multiple work projects whilst toddler wrangling.

I do love my life, but right now I'm tired. I need a change, I need a break.

But instead it's back to work for me. Hope your day is as exciting everyone!

A big heart as well......

Not only does my boy Kaiden have big muscles, he also has a big and loving heart. Especially when it comes to his littlest brother.

He is so fantastic with Charlie, it makes my heart just swell with pride to see them together. The love and trust between them is awesome to behold.





















It's enough to make me weep tears of happiness.

Perfect days.

Wax On, Wax Off

Today's cryptic blog post title is an attempt to lead into talking about my martial arts training via a Karate Kid reference. But somehow I don't think my mind works along the same lines as other people and therefore the post title relating to the post content connection may just come across as a bit lame.

Ah well. I can't be bothered to change it now. Lame post title it is.

You never know, I might get a whole new readership from people searching Google for things like 'best way to wax my car' or 'how to put leg wax on'.

A big shout out to all those car cleaning enthusiast and leg waxers out there. Welcome to my blog. Sorry to disappoint but I don't tend to mention car wax, leg wax, or other type of wax very often.

In fact this is probably just a one off wax mentioning time.

Ok. So back to martial arts training.

So how to start this? Oh yeah.... ouch.

And more ouch.

I have bruises and pains, tired muscles and a head chock full of techniques.

And I also now have my blue belt.

Finally, after such a long time to get there, due to unexpected time off for illness (mine and Charlie's), I finally achieved my blue belt. Things start to get serious now. I'm half way to black belt, a goal that I aim to reach in 3 years.

Now that I've moved up in the martial arts world (in my mind at least!) we are doing lots of technical stuff but also lots of fun things too.

For weapons training we're focusing on the nunchucks for the next few months. They're a great weapon to use, lots fun as long as you don't knock yourself on the head mid swing. Not so fun then.

Last night we were learning Brazilian Ju Jitsu, which I love doing. It's hard, in a very controlled way, and totally different to all the other types of martial arts I've done. Slow and controlled, relaxed but strong. Rolling around on the floor wresting with the others reminds me of being a kid - you just got to go with the flow and enjoy it.

Before my training session last night, Kaiden had his Muay Thai (Thai kick boxing) training, which I watched, only to have my Renshi (teacher) try to convince me to give it a go myself. Kick boxing isn't something I ever thought I would want to try, but the more I watched, the more I thought to myself "I could do this".

So I've decided that next week I'll do back to back sessions. An hour of Muay Thai, followed straight after by an hour of Zen Do Kai.

Call me crazy.

Alright now, everyone say together : "You're crazy!!!"

So there you have it, a rambling, nonsensical post about my dreams of black belted glory and delusional perception of physical capabilities.

Welcome to my blog.

Why I love the Australian Summer.....

...... night swimming during a thunder storm.



Bliss.

We Spend Most of Our Day Doing This ........

...... just hanging by the pool.






Don't be too jealous.

Hehehe.......

Boys, boys, boys.

Corey's 13th birthday party is over.

And I'm sad.

Call me crazy but I loved having a house full of boys. And teenage boys at that.

I loved being surrounded by boys, they're just so much fun.

As a teenager myself, I read the books Little Men and Jo's Boy's by Louisa May Alcott, and dreamed of one day opening a school/orphanage for boys, just like the character in the story. Secretly I would still love to do this, though I think my husband would try to talk me out of it.

In the stories she had such adventures with her boys, loved them so much even when no one else did and received love in return. And that's how I feel when I'm surrounded by boys.

I have my own three boysof course, so am well on the way to achieving my secret dream, and when they bring home friends and the house is full - I love it.

Not most people's cup of tea I suppose, to be surrounded by loud, active and always hungry boys, but what I love most is the joy they bring. Boys tend to get a bad rap, you should hear the comments I get when I say I have three boys. Though contrary to popular belief I find them to be full of life, so open and filled with energy and happiness.

I have a great rapport with all of the boys who filled my house, they talk to me, and have said they tell me things they don't even tell their own mum. One of the reasons I'm doing a double degree in Counselling, specialising in Children and Parenting, is to be able to work with kids one day, helping them and their parents to achieve a wonderful life.

Give them love and attention, keep them engaged and active, and boys are just wonderful.

I'm blessed to have three boys of my own, as well as the joy of knowing their friends.

Boys make me smile.

This book .....

.... is one I can't recommend highly enough.

Although not Buddhist myself, the concepts, ideas and strategies detailed in this wonderful book have enriched my journey through motherhood greatly.

I would recommend it to every mother.

Buddhism for Mothers : A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children - by Sarah Napthali can be found at Amazon Books (which is where I got it from).

Please treat yourself and read this book.

You and your children deserve it.

The Vege Patch

From small beginnings just two months ago ......



....we now have this :



I'm simply amazed by how wonderful this experience of growing our own vegetables is.



A bit of water and a bit of love and they thrive.



This is our little froggy garden guardian, who watches over our plants ..... he was made by Corey many years ago when he was a gorgeous little boy (now he's a gorgeous big boy.)



We have cherry tomatoes ripening.

I picked the first three of our tomatoes today and oh my, were they delicious. So sweet and firm, mmmm.


The cucumber is flowering....



.. and already we're having a bumper crop of cucumbers with many more to come.

I can foresee us having many many salads this summer!


This is our Leaning Tower of Asparagus.

I've figured that this asparagus plant is the teenager of our vege patch. It's really not doing anything and can't even be bothered to stand up straight.


The capsicums have finally decided that it's time to flower.

And I must say they have very pretty flowers too.


We have a 'mama watering can' and a 'baby watering can'.


Both get put to good use.

Charlie is an avid gardener, and I often find him filling his watering can from the dogs water bowl.

Great for the plants, not so great for poor Trooper.


We've been loving growing our own vegetables so much, that we want to plant more.

Many more.

I have packets of seeds ready to go and Del went out and obtained this corrugated iron vege-planter. For free!

I'm itching to get the soil in and get planting.



So far we've filled the base with straw and will soon get the soil. Corn, beans, peas, lettuces and herbs will soon fill this planter.

I'm enjoying working in the garden, helping Mother Nature do her thing, and I'm thrilled that my boys know exactly what food looks like in it's natural form, and that it doesn't actually grow on supermarket shelves!

And it's only November

This is my bedroom :



Which I love. It's my haven, where I can find some peace and quiet in my wonderful, hectic life.

And this :



.... is my side of the bed, closest to the windows, nice and light and airy.

On my bedside table is my lamp to read by, perfumed oil from Dubai, a photo of my husband as a 21 year old soldier in the British army, a photo of the two of us together at the very beginning of our relationship and my box of tarot cards.

In the top drawer are books.

Many, many books.

I like to read, you see.

And if you look a little closer....

.... and lower .....



...what is that we can spy?



Why it's a secret stash of Christmas presents, all wrapped and ready to go!

Yes, I am very happy to say that for the first time EVER, I have finished my Christmas shopping in November. Yay, for me!



I'm just waiting on the last of the online orders to arrive (should be this week sometime) and then that's it. I've never been so organised.

It's a good feeling.

It also means it leaves me free to plan the Christmas / Summer Solstice party that we're having here on Christmas Day.

Hmmm.... party planning and organisation.... I'm in my element there. This is the fun stuff now.

So how's your Christmas shopping/organisation going?